Timing Will Make or Break Your Relationship

Timing in Relationships

Finding the one and falling in love is awesome. It really is.

All of the excitement and good vibes take over, and you find yourself walking around smiling all day for no reason. The two of you suddenly have all these cute little stories no one else knows. And neither one of you ever wants to be the first to leave or to hang up the phone.

Building a healthy, new relationship is one of the most exciting experiences of life as an adult really.

But finding the right one at the right time is never an easy task. I would even say timing is one of the most important things in making a relationship work at all.

I’m super excited to be engaged to my tall, dark, and handsome man. But what most of you would never guess, is that this is not my first relationship with DJ.

Far from it in fact.

The thoughtful, caring, hard-working man I’m going to marry later this year, once dumped my sorry behind and left me devastated. And then several years later, I dumped his.

You see we both found the one early on in our lives but something was always off. And that something was our relationship timing.

At this point in my life, I know without a doubt that timing will make or break your relationship. And boy, did we get the timing wrong the first few times.

Picture it, Michigan, 1998.

Yes, I am definitely channeling my inner Sophia from Golden Girls to share this story. Seriously, it’s like one of my favorite old shows. Is it on any of the streaming services? I sure hope so.

Anyways, picture it, Michigan, 1998.

I was seventeen and had just started working at a chain restaurant as a server. I quickly made friends with a guy named Sean. Within days, he informed me that his very fun, very single friend named DJ was also starting to work there soon and that we would look good together.

It’s been twenty-two long years, but I still remember seeing DJ walk in the door for his first shift. He was looking so good in his black pants, white collared shirt, and red bow tie. We were rocking our Steak N Shake uniforms let me tell you. But it didn’t matter to me. He took my breath away.

We ended up clicking right away, and within a shift or two of working together, we had our first date set up. It was so much fun, we set up another, and another, and very quickly declared ourselves a legit couple.

We did all of the things that broke teenagers typically do. We hung out with friends, went to the movies, and snuck off to parties. Our relationship was a blast and there were no downsides.

And then later that year, I started my college search and got an acceptance letter in the mail.

Remember, we are old. They used to come in the mail. When you got a thick packet, you knew you were golden.

But DJ saw that packet differently than I did, and he blindsided me with a breakup.

You see, I was a high school senior, trying to decide my entire future, but he was only a junior. He recognized that my life was going to change drastically and that he would be left behind.

I did everything I could to get him to reconsider, but he wasn’t hearing it. I cried, I begged, I pleaded. But eventually, we just stopped talking altogether, and we both had to move on.

Picture it, Michigan, 2001.

A girlfriend and I were out driving around on a hot summer day, and I mentioned that DJ’s parents owned an ice cream shop nearby. She suggested that we should stop by and maybe we would get lucky and get free ice cream. I remember feeling really nervous about possibly running into him, but my girlfriend talked me into it. We ended up being waited on by DJ’s mom, who charged us, but she gave me something far better instead.

She told me that she had just talked to DJ and that he was just sitting around at home, so we should swing over there and say hi. If we would have gotten called to the other window and had one of their employees help us, that would never have happened.

Relationship timing is everything.

So we drove to his parent’s house a few blocks away, and we saw his dad out by the mailbox. He told us that DJ actually didn’t live there anymore, but that he had rented an apartment down the road with some friends of his, including Sean. If his dad had not been home, we would have rung the doorbell, never gotten an answer, and went home.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

Thinking we would get to go hang out with some cute boys, we decided to just show up at his apartment. We ended up staying for hours hanging out and flirting with cute boys.

It was like nothing had changed between us at all. DJ was happy to find out that I had ended up enrolling in college nearby, just like he had, and that I was still living at home with my dad.

It was a hot second before we were a legit couple again. And the next two years just flew by.

We were happy in love, and we did all the things broke twenty-something-year-old adults do. We hung out with friends, went to the movies, and walked straight into bars to drink because we could.

But then some of our friends started getting engaged and some started having families. I was getting closer to graduating from college and trying to decide my entire future. I wanted marriage and kids eventually, but he told me without hesitation that he did not.

It wasn’t me, it was him. Ever heard that one before?

According to Pew Research Center, 4 out of 10 adults do not expect ever to have children. DJ definitely fell into that category, but I certainly did not.

I sullenly waited around for a few months, but it was obvious that he did not want the same future that I did, so I dumped his sorry behind.

I cried a lot, I moped around, and I felt sorry for myself. I’m sure he did too, but he’ll never admit it.

Eventually, we just stopped talking altogether, and we both had to move on. He started dating other people, and I ended up meeting my future husband and the father of my children.

In 2004, DJ reached out and told me that he had changed his mind and was ready to settle down with me. He asked me to give him another chance. But I was happy in love with someone else, and it was me who was not hearing it this time.

Timing is very important in relationships.

Picture it, Michigan, 2014.

I was married, had moved out of state for several years, and then had moved back home. I also had two young children. We were all at a family dinner and my brother-in-law, at the time, was talking about his new boss. I was shocked to hear him say DJ’s name.

I did what most people did by 2014, I stalked him on the internet to see how he had turned out. It was a crazy experience because we did not have social media during any of our previous relationships.

I know that makes us sound super old. We are.

I was happy to see smiling pictures of him, his girlfriend, and their two dogs. His life looked so complete, so I sent him a private message saying that I had heard his name in passing and that I was so glad his life had turned out so well.

He never saw the message.

Timing can change everything in relationships.

Picture it, Michigan, 2016.

DJ scrolled around on social media and noticed a missed message in his other folder. He recognized me from my photo, took a deep breath, and thought to himself ‘what the heck?’

I finally received a message back from him. So I responded in my usual sarcastic fashion asking him why it took so long to figure out social media since he was an engineer.

He thought it was funny and we spent hours messaging back and forth.

Is Timing Important in Relationships?

Is timing important in relationships? You betcha.

We quickly discovered that his response time could not have been any better. He had been single for more than six months, and I had been a divorced, single mom for about a year.

If he would have seen my message a year and a half earlier when I sent it, he would have still been in his long-term relationship, and I would have still been married.

Being the very loyal people that we are, we would have had a quick, polite exchange and then moved on.

But finally, our relationship timing was right.

We spoke for months before finally meeting up and, even then, I squeezed him in between my other plans. But all those feelings came flooding back anyways.

He admitted to me that he felt like he was missing something by never having had a family.

So we took things slowly. He practically had to force me to introduce him to my kids after more than six months of dating. I had nothing to worry about though because the three of them hit it off immediately.

And this summer when we get married, it will mark four years of us being back together. Again.

Life works out the way it’s supposed to. Sometimes relationships fail, for one reason or another, but people can change if they put in the effort to do so. And relationship timing clearly has a lot to do with it.

DJ and I never disrespected each other, abused each other, or were unfaithful to each other in any way.

Our relationship timing was just off.

And timing can mean everything when it comes to relationships.

Your relationship will not work out if you are desperate to find just anyone. Your relationship will not work out if you are not whole and happy on your own. Your relationship will not work out if you are carrying around resentment and anger from past relationships. And your relationship will not work out if you cannot trust others.

And sometimes you get lucky and realize that you met the right person a long time ago, but the timing was just off.

Choose happiness. Let go of the hurt. Then, wait patiently until the right person and the right timing match up.

Timing is everything.

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