Sometimes I think that one of the hardest parts about the human experience is the fact that we have such great memories.
You can vividly recreate your first kiss, your favorite vacation, or the birth of your first child in your mind with only a second’s notice. And just a fleeting thought about one of these special moments can make you smile and fill you with joy.
On the other hand, you can also relive particularly painful times in your life in excruciating detail whether you really want to or not. To make matters worse, your mind can even replay these traumatic experiences on a video loop inside your head that never seems to stop. And that’s why sometimes it can be so hard to let go of the past and be happy once and for all.
So how can you banish these bad memories from replaying in your mind over and over again and instead retrain your brain to focus more on the moments that light you up?
How to Let Go of the Past and Be Happy
Letting go of the past and being happy is a choice we have to make for ourselves. When you’re ready, these steps will help you to refocus your time and energy on what truly matters.
1. Experience Your Emotions
Ignoring bad memories or pretending like they never happened will not make these traumatic experiences go away. When you push away or bottle up negative emotions, you are only guaranteeing that they will resurface later on and with greater intensity. All human beings experience grief, anger, sadness, and disappointment in their lives. It makes a huge difference when you allow yourself to have these feelings temporarily and to take whatever time you need to recover from them. Using effective coping strategies will then help you move forward and refocus on the positive things in your life.
2. Gain Control Over Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are negative, incredibly hurtful thoughts that pop into our brains often when we’re already upset. They can easily make you feel even worse about yourself and your past than you already are. Gain control over these intrusive thoughts by recognizing that they are just thoughts, that they are not based in reality, and that you are not going to allow them to hurt you anymore.
3. Ask Yourself Why Now
If a bad experience from the past is suddenly resurfacing in your daily thoughts, you should ask yourself why now. What is happening in your current day-to-day life that is triggering these negative thoughts and feelings? Are you about to enter a new situation that reminds you of a time in the past that did not end well? Understanding why you are focusing on the past now goes a long way in helping you acknowledge your feelings about your current life situation.
4. Learn Lessons From Bad Experiences
All life experiences teach you lessons when you are open to learning them. A traumatic childhood teaches you just how vulnerable children are to their caregivers, and it can help you decide to raise your own family in a loving, secure home. A bad relationship teaches you what your deal breakers are, and it also reinforces your sense of worth when you decide to walk away. And a toxic job teaches you exactly what you are willing to put up with in exchange for money, and it helps you appreciate a good work environment more. So ask yourself, what lessons have you learned from your past, and how can you use these experiences to make your life better now.
5. Eliminating Victim Mentality
Being a victim once does not define you as a victim forever. You are stronger now, and you can survive anything. You have already proven this to yourself by surviving your past traumas. Decide today that you will never be a victim again. Instead, focus on putting good out into the world and helping others who are dealing with traumatic pasts of their own.
6. Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what has been done to you or allowing it to happen again. What it does mean though, is that you understand that holding a grudge toward someone else will only hurt you. By choosing to forgive someone for hurting you, you recognize that the other person is flawed, that he or she has his or her own issues to work through, and that you are letting go of the hurt so that you can move forward. You do not need acknowledgment of wrongdoing or an apology from the other person to forgive. It is simply a choice you make in order to free yourself.
7. Remember That Your Past is Not Your Present Nor Is It Your Future
No matter what you did or what you had done to you in the past, remember that it’s already over and done with. Your past is not your present nor is it your future. Past mistakes and traumatic experiences do not define who you are now, nor do they define who you will eventually become. You can decide to move forward at any time and reinvent yourself as a survivor no matter what your past may look like.
8. Surround Yourself With Positivity
The best way to move forward from negativity is to surround yourself with positivity. Put inspirational posters around your house, read daily affirmations, and spend time with happy people who focus on the good. The more positive vibes you seek out, the better your life will become. You must have an open, positive mindset in order to be ready to let go of your past and be happy.
9. Seek Professional Help When Needed
Professional help is always there when you need it. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek out a mental health professional when you need assistance in moving forward after a traumatic experience or even if you just feel like you need to talk to someone. Mental health is just as important as physical health and the more we talk about it openly with others, the faster the stigma surrounding mental health will vanish.
Working through these 9 steps is great preparation for how to let go of your past and be happy. But you are the only one in control of your life.
It is up to you to decide that you are ready to move on and let go of past life experiences that hurt you. It is up to you to decide that you are now ready to accept good things to come into your life. And it is up to you to decide that your past does not define who you are today.
As always, I am wishing you the best of luck. You can do this.
Love What You’re Seeing So Far?
- Enjoy community support
- Never miss a life-changing post again
- Get immediate access to the free resources library
- Be the first to know about giveaways
How can you let go of the past and be happy? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
After watching marriage bootcamp which teaches you to forgive your past, I’ve started to adapt it to my own past traumas and it’s really helped.
I will look into your other suggestions and see how I can use them in my own life
I’m so glad to hear that. I haven’t seen that show but I totally agree that you should forgive your past.
I think allowing yourself to go through those emotions and feel them in their entirety is something truly important underrated. You cannot let go until you’ve given yourself time to feel.
Lovely post and great writing.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It really is so important to allow yourself to feel and to be patient with yourself.
This is wonderful. I have such a hard time letting go of memories, especially the negative ones. Bad memories always seem to pop into my head, especially when I’m lying in bed trying to fall asleep (hello insomnia). It never occurred to me to actually try to…do something about them? I especially love the idea of asking “why now?” It could be these thoughts are creeping into my brain due to increased anxiety during the pandemic. Definitely something to think about and explore. Thanks!
I think you are on to something for sure. The pandemic is affecting us in a lot of ways and could certainly be the cause.
Such great tips! I have a really hard time with letting go and guilt was a trigger for my eating disorder. Thanks for sharing these tips. I really want to work on myself and get better, so will be using these religiously!
Em x
I’m so glad to hear that you find these tips helpful and will be using them. I’m sure you are going to be very successful in letting go because you are ready and willing to put in the work. Best of luck.
Experiencing emotions is such an important step toward being happy. I think there is a lot of grief surrounding the idea we can be sad, so this is an important reminder to feel. Also love your tip on learning lessons from the bad experiences!
You are so right. A lot of people try to bury their feelings and that never works.
These are good tips and the correct key to happiness. Thank you for sharing.
You are very welcome. I hope you enjoyed it.
These are such great tips for letting go of the past in oder to gain happiness for yourself for the future. Thanks so much for sharing!
I’m glad you found them helpful.
These are some great tips and I’m sure this post will help so many people. We have probably all been caught up in what has happened in the past at some point in our lives and its so important to face that past and move on from it. I really enjoyed reading this post.
I’m so glad to hear that. I think this topic resonates with a lot of people. I hope it helps others move forward and live their best lives now.
Thank you for sharing and for speaking out against the stigma of mental health!
Yes! It is such an important topic for sure.