How to Know It’s Time For a Divorce: The Top 50 Red Flags

Divorce Warning Signs

Divorce is brutal. I won’t sugarcoat it for you. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done as an adult and it hurt me, my ex-husband, our children, and both of our families in the process.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not a fan of divorce in general.

I’m a huge fan of my divorce though. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and now everyone involved is happier and better off.

So how do you know if it’s time for you to get a divorce?

If you’re even asking yourself this question, there is definitely a possibility you are heading towards a divorce of your own at this very moment.

Hoping to make things a little easier for you, I’ve compiled this list of the top 50 red flags to help you know if it’s time for a divorce.

How to Know It’s Time For a Divorce

1. You Are Depressed

On the outside, it looks like you have it all. A perfect marriage, a beautiful home, and adorable children. But you can’t help but wonder why you feel so incredibly depressed all of the time.

2. You Are Lonely

No amount of time with your partner makes you feel any less alone. You don’t even feel like you have a partner at all.

3. You Feel Unappreciated

No matter how much you do for your partner, he or she never says thank you. Worse yet, you don’t think your partner notices at all.

4. You Feel Insignificant

Your partner goes on and on about other people he or she admires, but you can’t remember the last time you were paid a compliment. It feels like you don’t matter at all.

5. You Don’t Trust Your Partner

When your partner is gone, you constantly worry about what he or she is doing behind your back. You do not feel safe or secure in your relationship.

6. Your Effort is Not Reciprocated

Every day you’re asking how your partner’s day was, what he or she wants for dinner, or planning a date for the two of you. But then you realize, you are never asked how your day was, your opinions don’t matter, and no date nights are ever planned for you.

7. You Hide Your True Self

You don’t remember how it all started, but over time you have had to hide little bits of yourself to make your partner happy. You don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

8. You Have to Behave a Certain Way

To keep your partner happy, you have to change your behaviors. You’ve been asked to dress differently, not talk to other men or women, or act a certain way in front of your partner’s friends or family.

9. You Would Make a Different Choice

If you could do it all over again, you know without a doubt that you would never have married your spouse.

10. You Only Have Bad Memories

When you look back at your entire relationship, it seems like an endless stream of bad memories. It’s nearly impossible to think of any good experiences the two of you have shared.

11. You Are Staying For the Wrong Reasons

The only reason you are still married is that you are staying for the kids, or the pets, or your parents, or the house, or even for appearances. You continue to put your needs last to make everyone else happy.

12. You Stopped Fighting Back

Your partner lies, denies, or flips out when confronted with anything unpleasant so you stopped fighting back a long time ago. You just put up with things and keep your mouth shut now.

13. You Still Hurt From the Past

Forgetting about and forgiving your partner for something he or she did to you seems impossible. The hurt is just too real, and his or her remorse is too insincere.

14. You Feel Drained

The constant negative energy your partner brings into the household drains you. You feel like you have nothing left to give.

15. You Feel Annoyed

Everything your partner does annoys you to no end. You just can’t look past these things no matter how hard you try.

16. You Are Keeping Secrets

Whether it’s little things or big things, you have started keeping your own secrets. And it feels really good.

17. You Are Lying on Social Media

Everyone else seems so happy on social media so you find yourself exaggerating your love for your spouse. He or she looks like the best catch ever to the outside world, and only you know what’s really going on.

18. You Are Fantasizing

You find yourself often daydreaming about what it would be like to be single again and back out in the dating world. It feels thrilling to you and you long to have your freedom back.

19. You Are Planning Your Escape

Your daydreams are also full of details about your escape plan. You are planning out your finances, where you will live, and picturing what your new life will look like.

20. You Feel Dread When Your Partner Comes Home

The second you hear the garage door open or the key in the lock and know that your partner is home, your whole demeanor changes. Your happiness level drops suddenly, and you feel dread settling in.

21. Your Partner Has Unrealistic Expectations

It doesn’t matter that you worked all day, ran to the store, and picked up the kids, the second your partner walks in the door he or she makes comments about all of the things you didn’t get to. You are made to feel like you never do enough no matter how hard you try.

22. Your Partner Does Not Help With the Kids

You are both committed to raising a family, but you are the only one doing everything for the kids. You can’t remember when your partner ever bathed, fed, or clothed your children.

23. Your Partner is Dishonest About Spending Habits

You work hard to stretch your budget and put your family on firm financial ground, but your partner continues to be dishonest about his or her spending habits, and you cannot account for large sums of money.

24. Your Partner Won’t Admit It When There’s a Problem

You spend your time and energy trying to communicate better and come up with a solution to your problems that would benefit both parties. In the meantime, your partner refuses to admit that there is a problem, and they will not work with you to solve it.

25. Your Partner Continues to Hurt You

No matter how many times you’ve communicated that something bothers you, your partner continues to hurt you in the same way over and over again without any attempt to change the behavior.

26. Your Partner is Overly Jealous

You are constantly having to explain your whereabouts, who you are with, and you even notice that your partner is checking your text messages, calls, and social media accounts. You can’t help but feel violated and like you are not trusted.

27. Your Partner Has Presented You With a Deal-breaker

You realize that the person you thought you married is very different from the person you actually married. You find out that your partner does not want to have children, he or she was only pretending to be religious to make you happy, or he or she actually hates your family members and will no longer spend time with them. Whatever the case, this is not what you signed up for.

28. Your Partner Isolates You From Family and Friends

No matter what the event is, your partner always has a reason why you cannot meet up with family or friends. You realize that he or she has slowly been isolating you from everyone you know.

29. Your Partner Refuses to Go to Counseling

With problems mounting and communication unraveling, you ask to go to counseling together. Your partner won’t even consider it.

30. Your Partner Disrespects You in Front of Others

When others are around, your partner insults you and discusses disagreements the two of you have had. Things that should be kept private are not, and you often leave social gatherings feeling humiliated.

31. Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful

An emotional and/or physical affair has taken place. Your trust has been shattered.

32. Your Partner Mistreats Your Pets

You notice that your partner yells at, hits, or even withholds food from your pets when he or she is angry, and you wonder what happens when you’re not around.

33. Your Partner Mistreats Your Children

The picture you had of what it would be like raising children with your partner is vastly different than how it actually is. You feel like your children are being mistreated, and you cannot trust your partner alone with them.

34. Your Partner is Economically Abusive

He or she controls all of the financial resources, and you cannot care for yourself or your family. You have no idea how much money you have, where it is located, and/or you have no access to money when you need it most.

35. Your Partner is Emotionally Abusive

Name-calling, yelling, cursing, insults, and gaslighting frequently occur in your home. You feel hopeless, insecure, and sometimes you even think you are the one who is crazy.

36. Your Partner is Physically Abusive

When your partner is angry, he or she lashes out physically. Whether it’s hitting, kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, or spitting, it is abuse and it will continue.

37. Your Partner is Sexually Abusive

Marriage does not eliminate the need for consent. You must be a willing participant in any type of sexual encounter or you are being abused.

38. Your Partner Makes Threats

Anytime you try to leave, your partner threatens to hurt him or herself. The threat of suicide is meant to make you stay.

39. Your Partner Has an Addiction

Addiction comes in many forms such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, and pornography. You have tried everything to help, but you feel like this addiction has worn you down too.

40. You Both Have Small Talk

The days of having deep, meaningful conversations are over. The two of you only exchange small talk at this point in your marriage.

41. You Both Have Gone Silent

It’s simply easier to give each other the silent treatment instead of arguing all the time. So that is exactly what you do.

42. You Both Have Your Own Interests

It seems like you have nothing in common these days. You both go your own way most of the time.

43. You Both Have Your Own Friends

Couples nights out are few and far between. You each have your own set of friends, and you do not spend time together with them.

44. You Both Spend Your Time Alone at Home

At home, you typically spend your time apart. Even after the kids are in bed, you continue to do your own thing.

45. You Both Stopped Dating Each Other

Date nights are a thing of the past. You look forward to a night on your own or out with friends, but neither of you put in the effort to plan a date night.

46. You Both Gave Up On Intimacy

You once were lovers, but now you live more like roommates. You don’t even bother kissing each other anymore.

47. You Both Disagree On Parenting Techniques

The rules and consequences your kids have are vastly different depending on which parent they are talking to. Neither of you can agree on anything childrearing-related.

48. You Both Finger Point

Neither of you can take responsibility for your problems. You both blame each other for everything.

49. You Both Hurt Each Other Intentionally

Somewhere along the way, it started feeling better to put each other down than to lift each other up. You both go out of your way to hurt each other when you feel angry or disappointed.

50. You Both Have Different Plans For the Future

Each of you is planning for a very different future. You may not even picture your partner by your side at this point.

I certainly hope you read through this list and realized that your marriage is definitely worth saving. Marriage is a lot of work and both partners need to put in the effort to make it successful.

As a divorced person, I am always the first person to tell others not to give up and to do everything in their power to save the family that they helped create.

I believe that marriage can be a great gift, and I am committed to making my second marriage work for the rest of my life.

But I also know that some marriages simply can’t be saved.

Life throws a lot of curveballs at us along the way, and everyone deserves to have a partner who loves them unconditionally, who provides them with a safe and secure home life, and who helps them cope through life’s toughest challenges.

Just remember, you are the only one who knows when your marriage is worth fighting for or when it is time to walk away to find peace. It is not up to anyone else but you.

I wish you all the best in life, whether you choose to stay married or not.

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What deal-breaker would cause you to walk away from a marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.