How to Survive Divorce and Take Your Life Back

Divorce Story

Divorce sucks — big time. There’s no reason to sugar-coat it. It’s just brutal.

The good news is that you’re not alone and you can learn so much from my divorce story that can help you heal from your own. And that’s why I’m happy to share my experiences and the lessons I learned with you today.

My divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through as an adult. I saw so many red flags over the years, but I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it when it actually happened.

I never wanted my children to come from a broken family, and the guilt of our family splitting up consumed me throughout the entire divorce process.

I went from being a stay-at-home mom, who did literally everything for them, to suddenly seeing them only half the time once the judge gave us shared custody.

I constantly worried about whether or not they were being fed, bathed, cuddled, and tucked in at night. And to add insult to injury, my ex-husband moved his girlfriend in very quickly, so I didn’t have time to learn anything about the woman who was suddenly around my children half of their lives.

I cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember.

Now that I think back on it, the word brutal doesn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe my divorce story. Heart-wrenching fits a little better.

I ate regularly but the stress made the pounds melt off of my body and new, deep wrinkles began to settle in on my face.

I started to look unrecognizable even to myself.

Plus, I felt exhausted all the time and my emotions were all over the place. It was like I was only a shell of who I used to be, and I walked around in a fog most of the time.

If that wasn’t enough, I suddenly had to go back to school to renew my teaching license, and I took the first job I could get to start making money again quickly. It happened to be in the insurance industry so I was required to take even more classes because my state requires several licenses to work in that industry.

Fortunately, I passed each test in the series on my first try. Unfortunately, after a year in sales, I still never made a single dollar in commission. I worked really hard, but I just couldn’t sell enough policies to earn more than the very low base rate my agency offered. I guess I’m just not good at sales.

By then, I had moved into my grandma’s basement in another city, and I ended up living there that whole year out of financial necessity. Saving every penny I could, I slowly started building financial security for the three of us.

And although living in my grandma’s house was a godsend at the time, it also came with a four-hour commute back and forth on the days I had my kids.

So my schedule was overflowing with work, school, and child-rearing obligations. And I’d never been stretched so thin in all of my life.

But then, slowly but surely, I began to feel a little bit better each day.

My broken pieces started to fit back together, one day at a time, and I even started feeling happy once in a while.

I’m not sure exactly what it was that started the change. It was probably a combination of the passing of time and the fact that I worked so hard to move forward.

Eventually, I rediscovered who I was, and I started getting excited about the new life I was creating for myself and my kids.

It may not seem like it now, but I promise you that you will too. Remember, you’re not alone. I’m here to help.

How to Survive Divorce

Wondering how to survive divorce? Here are 12 tips to get you started:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

You’re going to experience a lot of emotional ups and downs during your divorce. Acknowledge whatever feelings you may be having and give yourself permission to experience them.

It’s okay to be angry, sad, scared, or frustrated right now. Burying these feelings will only end up hurting you more, so take the time you need to work through these emotions now.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

There has never been a more important time to take care of yourself than right now. Your body, your mind, and your soul all need extra attention right now.

Self-care is not selfish. It makes you a better person for those around you especially if you have kids to care for, as well.

So eat well, stay hydrated, be active, get a good night’s sleep, and do any activities that make you happy. You deserve it.

3. Spend Quality Time With Those You Love

Now is a great time to surround yourself with people who love and support you unconditionally.

Even if you feel like crying alone in your room every single day, spend quality time with people who can help you through the healing process.

4. Focus On Your Children

No matter what’s going on at work, with your ex-partner, or even in court, focusing on your children should be your top priority.

They need your love, your time, and your uninterrupted attention now more than ever. And you need theirs too.

Schedule fun activities that you’ll all enjoy, cuddle, talk, and explore new places together. These relationships matter.

5. Let Go of the Past

In order to move forward, you have to let go of the past.

Wishing you had never met your ex-partner, thinking about your own past mistakes in the relationship, or dwelling on the cause of your divorce will only continue to hurt you.

What’s done is done. Decide to let the anger and resentment go once and for all.

6. Accept Your New Lifestyle

Your new lifestyle will look very different than it did before your divorce. You may have moved, gone back to work, lost your in-laws and even some friends, and split up all of your assets.

You have to accept these changes and find ways to live your best life without your ex-partner.

7. Decide What You Want Out of Life

You no longer have to take your ex-partner’s thoughts, needs, and wants into account when planning anything. So it’s time to really think about what it is that you want out of life.

Take the time you need to rediscover who you are as an individual and have fun making plans for your future.

8. Try New Things

Divorce is a great excuse to get out of your old rut and try new things.

Go out and explore new areas, try new activities, and meet new people. This can be a very exciting time in your life if you let it be.

9. Educate Yourself

Over the years, you probably relied on your ex-partner to do certain household chores like budgeting, cooking, or oil changes.

Now is a great time to educate yourself in these areas and build your confidence level up when it comes to doing the things you previously didn’t know how to do on your own.

10. Get Your Financial Life in Order

Your finances will look very different pre and post-divorce. The sooner you get your financial life in order the better.

Don’t let a divorce ruin your future financial security. Educate yourself on personal finance and meet with a professional if need be.

11. Seek Professional Help

Be open to seeking professional help whenever you need it during and after your divorce.

A good attorney, accountant, or therapist can do wonders for your life.

12. Be Patient

You’re not going to feel better about your divorce over-night. Be patient and give yourself whatever time you need to heal and move forward.

And do your best not to make any major life decisions in the first year after your divorce. Make those decisions only after you’ve processed everything.

Divorce Survival

Divorce survival can and will happen eventually.

The hardest part of going through a divorce is that you’re all on your own. It was your marriage, your family, and now it’s your divorce.

Even with a great support system, there are still so many hours to fill where you’re completely and utterly alone.

So it’s on your shoulders alone to decide that divorce survival is your ultimate goal.

I was married for ten years and had two kids so finding myself alone in a quiet house for hours each night was heartbreaking.

My heart and soul ached from loneliness, and I desperately longed for the cuddles I was so used to.

After crying for weeks on end in my room, I started spending more time upstairs with my grandma and she helped me put myself back together. The countless hours we spent watching Lifetime movies, drinking wine, and talking together were priceless to me in so many ways.

I slowly stopped feeling ashamed about living in her basement in my 30’s, and I started looking at my living situation as a gift.

I will forever be grateful for the time we had together. And I know that she was a huge part of my divorce survival story.

After feeling so alone for the last few years of my marriage and the first few months after it, I started remembering who I was and who I had always been.

I realized after making so many compromises over the years, I could have my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions once again.

During that time period, my grandma told me stories from my childhood, teenage, and early adult years. While listening to these stories, I remembered the girl that I once was, full of hopes, dreams, and excitement for the future, and I wanted to be her again.

I started inviting friends and acquaintances out more, and I finally had a social life again.

It was suddenly obvious which of those people chose sides and removed themselves from my life.

While that certainly hurt more than I ever thought it would, those empty places were quickly filled by friends and family who became closer to me than ever.

There’s nothing like a divorce to show you who your real supporters are. And the supporters you have in your life will help you with your own divorce survival story.

I also stayed committed to my goal of getting along with my ex-husband and his new wife and my relationships with them grew stronger too.

I can assure you that putting aside your differences and building a good relationship with your ex-partner is a huge part of surviving and thriving after divorce. And it makes the divorce a lot less traumatic for your kids too.

Holding onto anger and resentment only hurts you and damages your children in ways you can never imagine. No matter what happened between you and your ex-partner, let it go.

I did. I cried when I needed to, I leaned on friends and family when I needed to, and I forgave my ex when I needed to.

Almost five years later, I’m healthier, happier, stronger, and more beautiful than I’ve ever felt before in my life.

I’m a divorce survivor. And you will be too.

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How are you surviving and thriving after divorce? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.