Why All Kids Need Boundaries and How to Set Them

Setting Boundaries

I’m not going to lie, we’ve been on the struggle bus at our house lately. It seems that as kids get older, they start to question your authority and talk back a lot. And that’s why setting boundaries at a young age is so important.

I mean, I knew that was coming, right. But, suddenly one of my sweet children went from thinking I was the greatest person on Earth to thinking I’m the dumbest, bossiest, and most out-of-touch parent in the world.

I guess I’m not cool anymore.

I’m not mommy anymore either. Now I’m MOM with an eye roll thrown in.

The thing that gets me the most is that there was no transition phase. I had a child one day and a grumpy tween the next.

I hate to break it to you. But if you have young kids, you may be next.

Or you may be in the thick of it with tweens or teens of your own.

Or even better, you may be a parent with grown kids smiling and saying I told you so. If so, what’s it like being in the promised land? Are your adult children successful and your best friend again? Are you enjoying leisurely visits with them and then they go away, and you have a quiet evening?

The thought of having adult children sounds amazing.

But since I’m not there yet, I have to keep putting in the work setting boundaries and sticking to them. The job is changing again, and I still need to figure out how to be a parent as I go just like everyone else.

And I know that setting boundaries and enforcing them is becoming even more important as they get older (and meaner). Forgive me, I meant to say more independent.

So why are rules so important for a child?

Can’t we just let them do whatever they want so we can sneak off to take a bubble bath with a great book and a glass of wine?

Sorry, my friends, the answer is no. Now let’s get to work.

Why Are Rules Important For a Child

1. They Keep Them Safe

As parents, our most important job is to keep our kids safe. Establishing safety limits with little kids looks like teaching them not to run out in front of cars or touch a hot stove. And safety boundaries for teens look like telling them not to speed or sneak out of the house at night.

2. They Support Healthy Behaviors

Boundaries can also help kids stay healthy. Having rules such as limiting sweets, requiring kids to play outside, or even forbidding vaping ensures that our kids’ health stays an important focus.

3. They Help Them Learn Humility

One of the greatest gifts we can give to our kids is to teach them that life is not all about them. Boundaries teach kids to be humble and to think about the needs of others as well as their own.

4. They Show Them How to Express Their Emotions in Healthy Ways

It’s natural for kids to be highly emotional when they don’t get their way. But, it’s our job as parents to set boundaries and show them how to express their emotions in healthy ways instead of throwing temper tantrums, hitting siblings, or slamming doors.

5. They Prepare Them To Be Responsible Adults

No matter what boundaries we set, it’s up to the kids to decide whether they’re going to follow them or not. So every time they decide to turn off the tv and do their homework or play for their team even when they don’t feel like it, they’re preparing to be more responsible adults because of the boundaries you’ve set for them as children.

6. They Boost Their Confidence

Kids seek the approval of their parents, and the more they follow rules and gain it, the more they feel better about themselves and their choices. Setting limits that are reasonable with kids ensures that they can meet your expectations and it also boosts their confidence in themselves.

7. They Demonstrate Good Manners

Just think of all the ways we teach our kids to have good manners throughout the day. We discourage bad manners like wiping their hands on their clothes, rudeness, and cursing. And we also encourage good manners like saying thank you, apologizing, and opening doors for others. These are all examples of boundaries that demonstrate the desired behaviors for good manners.

8. They Communicate Your Expectations

The boundaries you set communicate your expectations to your kids. Knowing that they should brush their teeth, get good grades, and stay away from illegal drugs are all expectations that your kids learn through the limits you set with them.

9. They Prove That You Care

Constantly setting and enforcing boundaries with your kids takes a lot of time and effort. The fact that you continue to do so time and again proves to your kids that you care. Even if they won’t admit it.

10. They Encourage Them To Make Good Choices

As our kids get older, they have to make more and more choices independently. When they grow up with consistent boundaries, those rules encourage kids to make good choices such as not skipping school or hanging out with the wrong crowd. And the best part is that our limits give them a good excuse for their friends as to why they can’t do things they know they shouldn’t.

11. They Educate Them About the Consequences

The limits you set with your kids also come with consequences. So when kids don’t respect the boundaries, they often learn very quickly that they have to face the consequences of these broken rules. For example, if they eat too much candy, they’ll get a stomach ache or if they blow off their homework too often, they’ll fail a class and lose technology for a month.

12. They Create Successful Adults

As parents, we spend years of our lives being the bad guys. But the rewards for setting consistent boundaries come back to us tenfold when our children become successful adults who we can be proud of. Successful adults adapt well to society’s expectations, and they are prepared to do that because we’ve already taught them to adapt well to the expectations of our households first.

Setting Limits

Setting limits with kids is not always a fun job, and it’s certainly not an easy job either.

Most of us would much rather spend our time watching our kids from the stands and going on epic family vacations. But it’s all the boundaries we set, the open communication we encourage, and the following through with consequences that really make up what it means to be a good parent.

When I was in college, I worked at a deli in a grocery store. Every Sunday morning, a mother and her young daughter would come in to pick up groceries. I would instantly hate my life for the next fifteen minutes or so once I saw them coming.

Week after week, and month after month, that girl would run wild through the deli. She’d throw bags of chips on the ground, poke holes in the bread with her fingers, and bang her fists on the glass display case.

Not once did I ever see her mother say a word to her about her behavior.

Finally, when the mother couldn’t take it anymore, she’d pull a candy bar out of her purse. And instantly, the little girl would stop acting up and happily eat her candy.

She could easily control her own behavior when she wanted to (and her mother’s too apparently).

I can still see her face in my mind, and I often wonder what kind of adult she turned out to be.

Honestly, I try not to judge her mother. Being a parent is exhausting a lot of the time, and it’s certainly easier to just give in. But then we’re not teaching our kids anything in the process.

As I said, we’ve been on the struggle bus at our house lately. My kids are turning into tweens, and it’s a big adjustment for all of us.

But my kids know with one look that they better not be poking holes in bread at the deli counter.

And because of the boundaries we set now, they will also know exactly what will happen if they choose to drink alcohol in high school. However, the natural consequence of getting horribly sick may just be enough to teach them a lesson like it did for me when I was in high school.

So set boundaries. Stick to them. And please don’t let your kids run wild and reward their bad behaviors with sweets instead. Your local deli workers will thank you.

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How can you set better boundaries with your kids? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.