Spending Too Much Time With Family
Families are awesome most of the time. But like every other relationship that we have in our lives, sometimes spending too much time with family isn’t always a good thing.
Let’s face it, we all annoy each other from time to time. It’s totally normal, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting it.
We all just need time apart from one another. And alone time is grossly underrated in our society.
One of my personal triggers is when people talk to me non-stop. I can only handle it for so long before I feel my anxiety shooting up.
As a middle school teacher, I deal with teenagers talking at me all day long and the second the bell rings, I desperately need some downtime. But I only have a short drive home where my own two children, my fiance, and my cat all want my attention at once.
I love them, but to be perfectly honest, it drives me completely nuts.
I just need a few minutes of quiet.
EVERYONE JUST STOP TALKING ALREADY!
No matter what your own triggers are, your family members are sure to set them off. This is especially true when you’re all stuck together for an extended period of time. So it’s important that you learn some coping skills and then teach your family members how to handle their triggers effectively too.
Because if there’s one thing that’s certain about families, it’s that all of them face conflict at one point or another.
And conflict is a sure sign that you may be spending too much time with family lately.
How to Handle Family Conflict
These 7 steps will help you learn how to handle family conflict when it arises in your home:
1. Figure Out What Your Triggers Are
There are many reasons why it’s important that you recognize all of your personal pet peeves.
First, you can actively prevent the things that bother you the most. For example, if you know that even the slightest things set you off when you’re hungry, you can make sure that you have a snack between meals so that your mood doesn’t drop as fast as your blood sugar.
Recognizing your triggers also makes it easier to remain calm and to remove yourself from a situation that is currently boiling your blood. For instance, If you feel your temperature rising as soon as your toddler starts throwing his nightly bedtime temper tantrum, maybe you can give your partner the look that means that he or she will continue putting him to bed while you clean up the mess in the kitchen.
Lastly, once you become an expert on your own triggers, you can figure out what sets off your family members and help them with those areas of their lives. Case in point, you can run an errand after dinner because you know that your partner gets increased anxiety from driving in the dark or you can not shout out your daughter’s name throughout the game because you know it embarrasses her.
Figuring out the triggers of each family member is a huge step in dealing with family conflict even before it happens.
2. Communicate Effectively
Maintaining an open dialogue is one of the most important steps toward building a strong and happy family. So encouraging family members to express their feelings in a calm manner and on a regular basis will go a long way towards resolving family conflicts once they occur.
If a member of the family does something that bothers you, taking the time to explain to him or her why you were agitated allows that person to understand how his or her actions affected you. At the same time, actively listening to his or her thoughts, feelings, and reactions when you do something annoying is also incredibly important.
Conflicts between family members are guaranteed to occur, but keeping an open dialogue where everyone feels heard will help to repair those relationships after they’ve been damaged.
3. Schedule Fun Family Activities
There are plenty of activities that you can do as a whole family so that you can all enjoy all of this extra time together.
Make special plans to host a family movie night or game night, create art or music together, or go for a hike.
Sharing fun experiences together limits conflict, establishes family values, and it also reminds family members why they enjoy each other’s company in the first place.
4. Make Sure That Everyone Gets Alone Time
We all need quiet time to ourselves no matter what age we are. Even babies enjoy lying on a blanket alone and playing with soft toys.
Alone time can certainly be in different rooms, but you can even stay in the same room if everyone is doing their own thing like reading, completing a puzzle, or drawing.
What matters most is that everyone in the family gets a break from one another and the time to do an activity that he or she enjoys.
5. Avoid Controversial Topics
Nothing ruins a holiday dinner faster than bringing up a topic that is known to be controversial.
Politics, religion, gun control, or abortion are all topics that should be off-limits when you’re trying to enjoy some family time.
So make sure that you aren’t the one bringing up these topics and don’t get sucked into the conversation if someone else starts running his or her mouth inappropriately. It’s that easy.
Let’s face it, you’ll never change anyone else’s mind once it’s made up, and they will never be able to change yours, so what’s the point?
Reserve family time for conversations that are positive and affirming, and you will avoid a lot of family conflict along the way.
6. Remember That Every Family Member is Unique and Important
Just because you’re all members of the same family, doesn’t mean that you’re all alike.
In fact, family members can be drastically different from one another and that’s perfectly okay. Remember, nothing you say or do will change people, so it’s important that you decide to accept them for who they are.
Even if you disagree about virtually everything, it’s up to you to decide to love them anyway.
Your love for family should never be contingent and mistreating or rejecting someone because his or her politics, religion, occupation, sexual orientation, or gender identity is different than yours is not okay.
You certainly don’t have to agree with it, but you do need to be a decent human being and treat this person with the dignity and respect they deserve.
Each member of a family is unique and is just as important as the other family members. Denying this fact is sure to cause hurt that may never heal.
7. Focus on the Good
If you look for issues, you’ll always find them. Instead, focus on the good.
Realize that each member of your family contributes something special to the whole group and acknowledge those attributes in them.
When we focus on the good, we see just how great our family members are and how lucky we are to have them in our lives.
Stuck With Family
So when you’re feeling stuck with family, and it will happen, make sure to take some time to yourself and work on your conflict resolution skills to enjoy quality time with the people you love most.
Being stuck with family doesn’t have to be a bad experience.
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone in your family thought of you as a positive person who was fun to be around?
You can be that person who enjoys family time, who is always there to help others, and who makes each day just a little bit better, even when you are stuck with family.
Love What You’re Seeing So Far?
- Enjoy community support
- Never miss a life-changing post again
- Get immediate access to the free resources library
- Be the first to know about giveaways
What can you do when conflicts arise? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Wow, as much as I love my family, I couldn’t imagine being stuck with them during the pandemic haha! I definitely like having my personal space, but I do think it’s important to be prepared for situations that make you have to spend more time with them. Loved your tips.
Personal space is definitely important. Thank you so much for reading and contributing to the conversation.
I can so relate to this now more than ever, unfortunately for everyone else once I’ve been triggered I’m the really annoying one who goes all stupid as a coping mechanism. I think the family is almost at the point of disowning me after lockdown 😬😂
I hear ya! Lockdown has definitely created some new challenges for families.
Spending so much time with my family has made me learn how to bite my tongue! But its definitely better that way, fewer issues are caused and I can let petty things go more easily.
That is a good skill to learn.
I can totally relate to this. I love my family to pieces, but living with another four people can be hard sometimes, especially when I’m having an off day. I know what my triggers are most of the time though, which helps. I’m a teacher too and taking a nap in the afternoon is what keeps me sane after school. Great tips though, and much needed, thanks!
Oh yeah. Teachers definitely earn their naps.
Really good points here, I like what you said about too much of something isn’t always a good thing. That’s definitely the case right now!
You are so right. I know a lot of people are struggling with being at home too much and around family too much right now.
Such a good post. I’m isolated with my other half and we are both very good at giving each other the space we need to unwind. But it has been so nice to have so much quality time together!
You’re so right about appreciating the family you have. Not everyone is fortunate to have a good family unit, so it’s really important to appreciate the people who are there for you!
Thank you for sharing 🙂
That’s good. Having some time apart is really important too. Thank you for reading. Stay healthy!
Such a great article! I will be implementing these right away.
Great! Happy to help.
Wow this is so awesome! Thank you for writing and sharing this, I love spending extra time with family during this quarantine however there are days when I feel we’re around each other TOO much.
Family is the most important thing, I consider my best friends who are not blood related more family to me than some of my family members ❤ it’s important to be there for others🥰
Same. My closest friends are like family too. It’s hard not being able to see them, but I am trying to keep in touch with them regularly. I hope you are all doing well and staying healthy.
Thought provoking post! I do believe we need to appreciate our families and those who are there for us. I love spending time with my family. At the same time , we do have individual needs and space is a must. I need alone time and quiet to recharge. I’m a nicer person when I can work that in 😉
I completely agree with you. We can’t be on all the time. We need time to recharge and it makes us better people.
This is a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing, I think it can be truly helpful for so many people.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Glad to help.
Greate article these are excellent tips I will keep them in mind when dealing with my family.
Great advice here Brooke. Communication is so important, as is recognising that you cannot change someone – so many people cause themselves frustration by not accepting that.
You make a really good point. It is hard to accept that we can’t change people but it just causes us grief trying to. Thank you for reading!
These are excellent tips. For us, we mostly fight over who ate the last chocolate bar or finished the milk lol.
That is so funny. Glad you get along so well that this is all you have to fight over 🙂
Great points. We do tend to get on each other’s nerves, but I like the your point of focusing on the positive.
You are so right! It’s hard not to get on each other’s nerves when we spend a lot of time together. Making time for yourself and focusing on the positives can help. Thanks for reading!
Brooke,.
You have said it well.
Family is great – it is awesome.
Truth is, I never thought that too much togetherness would ever be an issue since we rarely saw each other frequently before the social isolation quarantine to stay home so as to save lives Now that we are confined within the walls of the home doing different activities, we have agreed to share at least one meal a day. We have not yet worn each other out yet.
H. E
That’s good to hear. It is important to share meals but also have your alone time. Stay heatlhy!
A really important post during this time, learning to live with family is really useful!
I’m glad to hear that you found it useful. Thank you!
I felt like this post was godsent. In terms of feeling like things were too much I’e been having that same feeling not necessarily with family, which I have separate issues with, but with friends and I told a few this morning that I needed some more free time to myself and gave my reasons. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that and how they’ll react but reading this post has somewhat made me feel better about communicating it to them in the first place and may well strengthen the relationship too.
As for the fam well I definitely know we’re badly in need of a social gathering, especially amongst myself and my brothers. Aside from special occasions we never make an effort to do things together. I’ve brought it up to them multiple times over the last few months and granted time, responsibilities and different schedules make it difficult but ever since bringing it up to them hardly any effort has been made on their end. Nothing has been done since we’ve been in lockdown either so there’s no excuse for us. Guess it’s gonna have to me stepping up on that front.
Johnny
I’m so glad to hear that is was so timely for you. I used to have the same issue with my family (and friends for that matter). So I started making an effort to plan a bunch of events and whoever could make it, could make it. Life is just too busy for everyone these days. Hopefully this downtime will help us all realize what really matters once the pandemic is over. Stay healthy and happy!
Excellent tips!!
This is a great post! Family are amazing but it can be hard spending such a long time with the same people x
So true.
This is a great time to be with family but as you point out it can have it’s challenges. Great article for dealing and also avoiding the challenges.
Exactly. We all love our families, but a break is nice sometimes too. Thank you for your commment.
It is not very easy to cope with family members, everyone is unique. As for me, when there is too much chaos and everyone is noisy, I just leave the room and lock the door. I need some me time to keep sane. You have some great tips. Thank you for that.
Taking some time to yourself is a smart thing to do. Good for you.
This is such a great post! I am totally with you, I cannot stand when people are talking to me too much. Like I definitely need a break lol It’s so good to know what you’re triggers are and when you should take a step back before getting into an argument.
Glad to hear I am not the only one 🙂
I would hate to be stuck with my mum during this pandemic, she is one giant trigger. I’m so glad I can spend it on my own
I hear ya! Thankful you are not getting triggered daily and enjoying some time on your own.
Wow, I feel on the people talking at me point:) Yep that is my trigger to but for me it when they talk at me in the morning. I am a slow riser. I need quiet, coffee and some staring into space time before I can cope with people. My kids and husband know that about me – which is where communication comes in:) Love these points you made – so true. Insee this period as a huge growth for all of us – we keep learning each other better, even the kids get better at solving their on conflicts among themselves:) thank you for these great tips.
You make a great point. This time is difficult, but it will make us stronger and better able to handle challenges in the future. And we are definitely learning from this!