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Building Strong Family Relationships
If there’s one thing having kids teaches you, it’s that building strong family relationships is one of the most important jobs in your life. And creating them in your own home is the greatest gift you could ever pass on to your children. Because learning how to build a strong family in this generation also means teaching that incredibly important skill to your own kids before they become parents themselves.
Think about it. So many people spend their lives collecting trinkets to pass down from one generation to the next, but people rarely care about your vases, your statues, or your china as much as you do. All that really matters to others is how you treat them and the way you make them feel.
It’s pretty safe to say that no one ever goes to therapy because they haven’t inherited collectables, but plenty of people do go to therapy each day because they never felt loved, cherished, or safe growing up.
Building strong family relationships can literally change the course of someone’s entire life. And it can alter the history of a whole family, as well.
Even though it was a few years ago, I distinctly remember the first time I went to my parent’s house and my stepmom showed me the new sign she had just ordered online.
Literally, every time I’ve visited since then, I’ve made a point of looking at her sign to think about how much it still resonates with me.
Since then I’ve seen the quote everywhere and for good reason.
If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.
Mother Teresa
To this day, I can’t think of a single action more important and yet so simple to do. Go home and love your family.
What would the world be like if everyone just followed Mother Teresa’s advice?
And yet how many of you grow up feeling like you were truly loved, accepted, and cherished for who you were? Nearly everyone I talk to is dealing with some sort of trauma related to their families these days.
- Sometimes it’s from being neglected.
- Sometimes it’s from feeling unworthy.
- Sometimes it’s from being abused.
- Sometimes it’s from being criticized constantly.
But just when you start to feel hopeless about the world, you end up talking to someone who has an extraordinary family, and suddenly your hope is restored.
- Strong families cherish each member.
- Strong families lift each other up, and they accept each member exactly as they are.
- Strong families stay in regular contact in addition to gathering for the holidays, and they help each other out without even being asked.
- Strong families forgive each other for their flaws.
What being a parent makes you realize is that truly loving your own families won’t just change the world, it’ll heal it.
And who couldn’t use some healing these days?
After all, I’m the first to admit that I’m not the perfect mother.
I didn’t want my children growing up with divorced parents like I did, and yet I ended up being a single parent. Oh well. Life happens.
I want to be patient, and yet when they argue for the millionth time, I definitely lose my cool.
And I want to trust all of their decisions, and yet sometimes I try to change their minds because they might get hurt, they might break something, or they might just mess up the furniture.
But if there’s one thing I know I’m good at as a mother, it’s in loving them fiercely and unconditionally. And really, that’s what they will remember most anyways.
So admit that you’re not always a perfect parent either, and forgive yourself when you need to. But also commit to starting over, moving forward, and building your own strong family one day at a time.
How To Build a Strong Family
The best way to build a strong family is to prioritize the relationships you have with your family members, to appreciate each member’s contributions to the family as a whole, and to accept each member for exactly who they are. Strong families are built on love, mutual respect, and communication.
Wondering how to build a strong family of your own? Here are 5 steps to get you started:
1. Be Present
Spending quality time with family should be your top priority. Put the phone down, mute the tv, or turn the vacuum off.
Whether it’s your kids, your significant other, or your parents, they’ll notice when you’re choosing something else over them, and no one likes to be second choice.
The dirty dishes will still be there after your daughter tells you about her awful day or your partner discusses plans for your next vacation.
2. Say You’re Sorry
When you make a mistake, admit it.
Even the youngest people in your life are understanding and forgiving when you admit that you’re wrong or that you made a mistake.
Remember, no one is perfect, and you’ll experience conflict from time to time. When you do, just make sure to say you’re sorry and mean it.
3. Love People Just as They Are
Your dad might not express feelings verbally, but recognize that he shows his love for you in his own way. Your daughter might be an awesome soccer player even though you really hoped she’d be a cheerleader. And your son may spend every second of free time playing video games when you wish he’d joined the band.
Love them for who they are anyway.
Remember, the only person whose thoughts, beliefs, and actions you can control is you. Love your family members for who they are as a person and don’t try to force them to be anyone else.
4. Make Family Time Your Biggest Priority
Your job is just a job. You make money from it. That’s it.
It doesn’t define who you are as a person, and it should definitely not define what type of parent/sibling/son or daughter you are.
Work as hard as you want during work hours and then stop. And If you have a job where there are no defined lines between work and home, think about escaping now.
You can never make up the time you lose with your family and someday you will regret it. Make family time your biggest priority now before it’s too late.
5. Be a Survivor and a Thriver
If you didn’t have the ideal family growing up, make your own.
Decide to stop the negative family cycles with you. Get whatever help you need to heal from past trauma, and then create the most epic, loving family you know.
And this can always be with the family members you choose. Blood doesn’t always get to decide who your family is — you do.
It really can be this simple. Humans have an awesome ability to make things harder than they truly are. So just go home and love your family.
Make time with them a priority, and be present when you’re with them.
Show your love in so many ways that there’s no doubt in their minds exactly how you feel about them.
Realize that your time together is so short, and you need to make it count.
And when you’re doing all of these things, realize that you’re healing the world one family at a time and you’re making a huge difference in the world.
Remember, your family members will tell others about how extraordinary their family is and the message will just continue to grow.
Sources
- American Psychological Association: Children & Trauma Update For Mental Health Professionals
- US Department of Health & Human Services: Interventions Addressing Children Exposed to Trauma: Part 2 – Trauma Other Than Child Maltreatment and Family Violence
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What can you do to make your family stronger? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
I love this list! When I became a father for the first time it changed my priorities- I’ve not let work get in the way and limited potential career opportunities for it.
I’m with you on loving your children for who they are, I will support them in whatever they pursue as long as they are happy.
That’s so great to hear. A lot of people really get wrapped up in making more and more money to provide material things to their children but all they really want is quality time with you. You are definitely on the right track.
This is such a great guide for building strong family relationships. So much great and helpful information here! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.