How to Get Along With In-Laws and Love Family Life Together

Relationship With In-Laws

One of the most important relationships you’ll ever have in life is a relationship with in-laws. Learning how to get along with in-laws is a skill anyone can master no matter which family you’re joining, and it really determines whether or not you become like another child to them, another sibling, or even another cousin is really up to you. And how you choose to interact with your new family members from the get-go will certainly help determine how those interactions continue over the long haul.

While it may not always be easy to get along with everyone in your partner’s family all of the time, prioritizing the relationship you do have with your in-laws is incredibly important. After all, these relationships not only affect you, they affect everyone else around you—especially your romantic partner. And you never want to leave them feeling like they’re getting stuck in the middle between all of you.

Thankfully, it’s never too late to build a great relationship with in-laws. From mothers-in-law to fathers-in-law, brothers-in-law to sisters-in-law, and so on and so forth, getting married means that you inherit an entirely new family. And that can either be a blessing or a curse depending on how you choose to look at it.

Even if you had an unfortunately rocky start, you can always work on your relationship with your in-laws now so that they know just how much they mean to you.

Ready to build a strong relationship with in-laws that you can be proud of?

I’ve been truly blessed with two sets of amazing relationships with in-laws in my life, and I’m happy to share my top tips with you today on how to get along with your in-laws like a pro.

Why Are In-Law Relationships Difficult

Before you learn how to build a strong relationship with your in-laws, it’s a pretty good idea to familiarize yourself with some of the common pitfalls that take place within the normal in-law relationship dynamic. So, why are in-law relationships difficult in the first place?

Well, that’s a great question, but there’s really no perfect answer to it because in-law relationships don’t have to be difficult nor should they be. Just because it’s so common to hear people complaining about their in-laws all the time, that doesn’t mean you should expect or accept a strained relationship with your partner’s family.

That being said, there are some problematic situations that you may come across with your in-laws. However, those can typically be explained—and solved—if you just keep one simple thing in mind: everyone loves your romantic partner and wants the very best for them.

For example, let’s say one of your in-laws is having a hard time accepting you into the family because they had a really great relationship with the person your partner was dating or married to previously. While it would certainly be easy to take that personally and start to feel rejected, you can choose to change your frame of mind instead and simply realize that your in-law loves your partner deeply, so much so in fact, that they’re still mourning the loss of your partner’s previous relationship for them—even though your partner has clearly moved on themselves.

Another example would be if one of your in-laws gets defensive anytime you and your partner seem like you’re getting along in front of them. While you and your partner may not think it’s a big deal, just remember that your in-law also loves your partner, and they will naturally gravitate toward being protective because they want the very best in life for them.

While I could easily give you one example after another, the common theme here is that your partner is loved by both you and their family members. Sometimes people see things differently, but everyone wants your partner to be happy in life. And that’s a good thing.

When you think about it, it really makes perfect sense because we all come from different backgrounds, have different beliefs and value systems, and have different styles of communication. Therefore, sometimes it takes a little time and effort to mesh all of these differences together in a way that works for everyone.

That being said, many of the reasons why in-law relationships can be difficult at times result from simple misunderstandings or miscommunications. If you keep in mind that everyone has the same goal, it becomes much easier to build a strong relationship with your in-laws and move past the minor conflicts that may come up.

Can In-Laws Ruin a Relationship

Can in-laws ruin a relationship? You betcha!

Whether done intentionally or not, a rift between you and your in-laws can easily become a rift between you and your romantic partner. And there’s nothing worse than having your relationship end simply because you never formed a strong bond with your partner’s family.

No one is perfect all the time—including you. So, don’t fall for the trap of placing blame on your in-laws anytime something comes up. Choose to forgive, forget, move forward, and love each other like family, and your romantic relationship will be much better for it.

How to Get Along With In-Laws

Learning how to get along with in-laws is a skill you definitely want to master for your own sake and for that of your partner. While there are always exceptions to the rule, for the most part, the people who join your family after you get married are generally nice human beings you can learn to get along with.

Even when it seems like you have nothing in common or they intentionally do things to annoy you, everyone wants to be liked and tries to be the best version of themselves whenever possible. Some people certainly do that better than others. But, it’s up to you to reframe your mindset when necessary, so you can have a healthy relationship with in-laws that benefits everyone.

Here are my 15 top tips for how to get along with in-laws today and every day:

1. Prioritize Your Relationship With Them

Building a healthy relationship with anybody takes time and effort. By prioritizing your relationship with your in-laws, you’ll be sure to spend more quality time with them and have more positive interactions between you when you do.

Your in-laws are not people who should simply be squeezed into your schedule when you have nothing better to do. Even if you live far away, you can make sure to call, email, or text them regularly and encourage your partner and children to do the same. Because putting this time and effort in now is always well worth it in the end.

2. Accept Them for Who They Are

Just like how your in-laws didn’t get to choose you, you also don’t get to choose them. And even if it seems at first like they would be the last people you’d ever want to spend time with, the sooner you learn to accept them for who they are—and not who you would rather they be—the sooner you can build a healthy relationship with them that will last a lifetime.

With an open mind, a kind heart, and a little bit of time, you may just be pleasantly surprised with who your in-laws actually are as opposed to who you originally thought they were. Remember, these people all had influence over who your partner eventually turned out to be, so if you love your partner, you can surely learn to love their family members too.

3. Discover Things You Like About Each of Them

You can always find something you like about a person when you actually try. From the way they interact with little kids to how they always think to bring meaningful gifts during the holidays, make a point to discover things you like about each of them so that you can more easily look past anything you might not care for.

Recognizing what you like about all people helps you relate to them better, and it reminds you that they are worthy of your time and respect and not who you would rather they be, especially since they’re part of your family now too.

4. Appreciate Their Differences

Just because someone is different from you doesn’t mean that you’ll never get along with them. When you make the decision to appreciate someone’s differences—instead of fighting against them—you can use those differences as an opportunity to learn more about other people and the world around you.

Whether it’s a certain personality type, communication style, religion, or cultural aspect that is different from your own, you can only stand to become a more well-rounded person when you start to express appreciation and acceptance for those differences.

5. Find Common Ground

Finding common ground is a great way to build a strong relationship with somebody new. Whether you discover that you both love watching TikTok videos or making homemade ravioli from scratch, find something you have in common so that you have something to talk about each time you’re together.

Even if you seem like complete opposites at first, there are definitely similarities between you, and it just takes a little time to find out what those are. Once you do, you’ll realize that you really aren’t all that different after all.

6. Be Respectful

Everyone wants and needs to feel respected in their relationships with other people. That’s why being inconsiderate or rude when you’re visiting with your in-laws is a surefire way to damage your relationship with them—and quickly. Stay cool, calm, and collected no matter what’s going on within the family unit, and you’ll be seen as a respectful, trustworthy person everyone can count on instead of a disrespectful brat they resent having in their home.

And remember, even little things like talking over others or not helping clear the dishes can be taken as disrespect in some families. So, make sure your partner gives you a lot of background information on the behaviors that are expected of you.

7. Stay Positive

People are naturally drawn to positivity and repelled by negativity. No matter what’s going on in your life in general, or even on that particular day, set your negative feelings aside temporarily and be a positive person others want to be around.

Don’t allow temporary setbacks to give you a reputation for being an overly negative person who complains about everything because then no one will want to be around you.

8. Communicate Effectively

Many relationship problems stem from simple miscommunication. So, if you find yourself asking why your in-law relationships are so difficult lately, you may want to look at your communication style first.

Are you communicating clearly and respectfully? Are you making your thoughts and opinions known? Are you considering the other person’s side of things when it comes to conflicts? By asking yourself these questions and being honest with the answers, you’re likely to find that miscommunication may be the issue.

9. Accept Advice Graciously

One of the most important things you can do to strengthen your in-law relationships is to realize that your in-laws are now your family. And family members love to give you advice—not necessarily because they think you’re doing things wrong—but because they want what’s best for you. So, the next time one of your in-laws gives you work or parenting advice, just accept the advice graciously—whether you plan on taking that advice or not.

Again, it all comes down to the fact that they do care and they are trying to be helpful. Even if it seems like they’re being nosy or trying to tell you that their way of doing something is better, they probably would never see it that way and certainly aren’t trying to hurt your feelings intentionally.

10. Establish Healthy Boundaries

Like all relationships, in-law relationships work best when boundaries are established and followed. Just because you are now related to someone by law, doesn’t mean that you have to put up with undesirable behaviors from them.

While an occasional drop-in may be fine, stopping by unexpectedly multiple times per week is definitely not fine. So, set some ground rules with your in-laws and hold them to the rules in a respectful manner.

11. Allow for Flexibility

When you join an entirely new family, and you want to have a good relationship with everyone in it, you have to allow for some flexibility. Not everyone is going to do everything the way you want it to be done. Individual people are all unique and their whole family dynamic is unique as well.

So, be flexible and do what it takes to keep your new family members happy when you’re with them, just like your partner will be flexible and do what it takes to keep your family happy when they’re with all of you.

12. Maintain a United Front

While being respectful and flexible are certainly important aspects of building strong relationships with both sets of in-laws, it’s just as important to maintain a united front as a married couple. There will be times when conflicts come up—whether small or large—and you must have each other’s backs when this occurs in order to keep your own marriage healthy.

Even if you want to take the side of your own family member, you need to support your partner and help them navigate any issues that arise and they need to do the exact same thing for you.

13. Refrain From Oversharing

If you want to make your in-laws turn on you quickly, start oversharing negative things about your partner and see how long it takes for them to get defensive. Even if you’re totally in the right, and your partner is way out of line, your in-law’s natural instinct will be to protect their own.

So, keep your annoyances and disappointments with your partner to yourself until you have time to work them out together. And this goes with your own family too because you don’t want to damage the relationship between your partner and their in-laws either.

14. Don’t Make Assumptions

A good rule to live by, especially when it comes to your in-laws, is to never make assumptions about what other people may think or how they may react to certain scenarios. You may be surprised and damage your relationship with your in-laws just because you expected one thing and got another.

The only person you know entirely is yourself. So, keep assumptions at bay and communicate effectively with others before making decisions that affect them as well.

15. Avoid Overreacting

Even in the best relationships, people may leave you feeling hurt or disappointed. While this is oftentimes unintentional, it can feel very intentional at the moment. That’s why it’s best to avoid overreacting no matter what has happened.

Instead, stay calm, keep a clear mind, and communicate with the person who has upset you to understand why they did what they did and respectfully inform them of how it made you feel.

Navigating your relationship with in-laws can be a much easier experience when you follow my 15 favorite tips for how to get along with in-laws.

After a first marriage and divorce and now a second marriage, I’ve learned over time just how much your in-laws truly love your partner and want to love you too. No one sets out to hate their in-laws, but sometimes that happens simply because people don’t mesh well right away, and they fail to put in the time and effort it takes to build a strong foundation with one another.

And that’s really sad because your in-laws are an entirely new family you get to bring into your life and enjoy for years to come.

I’m blessed to have two sets of in-laws in my life now that accept me for who I am and cherish my kids like their own. Trust me when I say that having a great relationship with in-laws is a gift and not one that you should ever take for granted.

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