5 Ways to Build a Healthy New Relationship

How to Build a Healthy Relationship

Relationships are work. Hard work. I can say with certainty that the more effort that both partners put into a relationship, the more rewards they both get to enjoy later on.

Learning how to build a healthy new relationship takes time, but it also helps both partners lead a happier life together, so it’s well worth it.

In the meantime, you may have to deal with a lot of ridiculousness before you find the right partner who is willing to put in that work.

And I have personally had some relationship doozies.

I once dated a guy for more than a year before he cheated on me with another girl. She had the same first name as me, and she looked like she hadn’t showered in about six weeks.

But she did seem very nice.

I know because he brought her over to my house to introduce us to each other right before he told me he cheated on me with her. She had no idea I was his girlfriend when we met, so it was just as awkward for her as it was for me.

What a crazy way to reveal infidelity. The guy was lucky we both acted completely mature about it and just dumped him then and there.

Another time, I went on a first date with a guy who reached down the back of my tank top to read the size of my bra. Not only did he violate my privacy and touch me without my consent, he then said I must be lying to myself because my chest size didn’t look that big to him.

Needless to say, that was as far as he ever got with me, and I ended the date immediately.

And my absolute favorite memory is the guy who went on and on about how he couldn’t decide if he wanted to buy a BMW or a Bimmer someday.

When I politely informed him that Bimmer is actually the nickname for BMW and that they’re the same car, he told me that I didn’t know what I was talking about because I’m a girl. Maybe he should have Googled it before being so condescending.

I probably don’t need to tell you that all of these relationships ended very quickly.

I just don’t have any interest in dealing with nonsense. I can certainly laugh about it now, but that was not always the case.

Just remember, the worst dating experiences are the ones that make the best stories to tell your friends later on, and they also teach you lifelong lessons about what to avoid in the future.

So here’s to all of the people I’ve had the pleasure of dating on a very temporary basis because you’ve all helped me realize exactly what it is that I am and am not willing to put up with.

And before you go on your next date (fingers crossed it’s a good one), check out my 5 tips for building a healthy new relationship.

Tips for a Healthy Relationship

1. Work on Yourself Before You Date

My best dating advice is to learn to be happy with yourself and your single status before you even start dating.

Take the time you need to care for yourself first. Do whatever it is that you want. Watch the shows you want to watch on tv without having to fight over the remote. Eat healthy, drink plenty of water, exercise, and sleep in.

This is your time right now, and you don’t have to make any compromises. Enjoy this phase in your life while you’re in it.

No one wants to date someone out of sheer desperation and loneliness. So make sure your confidence level is high and you feel whole on your own before you even think about dating.

When you take the time to do this, you’ll make better choices on who to date, and it will be easier to walk away from people who are not worth your time.

Furthermore, it’s important to work hard on healing from any baggage you’re still holding onto from past relationships.

If the last person you dated talked down to you, that doesn’t mean that the next person you date will talk down to you too.

If the last person you dated cheated on you, that doesn’t mean that the next person you date will cheat on you too.

And if the last person you dated was abusive towards you, that doesn’t mean that the next person you date will abuse you too.

You must allow yourself time to heal and seek professional help if necessary so that you don’t hold anyone accountable for things someone else did to you in your past.

You owe that not only to yourself but also to your future partner.

Remember, nothing dooms a new relationship faster than not being prepared for one in the first place.

2. Take Your Time Getting to Know Someone

Every single person is on his or her best behavior when you first meet.

If that weren’t the case, you wouldn’t have decided to go on a date with this person in the first place, right?

Please remember this and understand that this best behavior could last for weeks or even months in some circumstances.

Take your time getting to know someone thoroughly before you commit to being in a relationship with him or her.

And don’t let the excitement of a new relationship blind you to the red flags that seem so easy to see once the newness stage wears off.

Signs will be there if this isn’t the right relationship for you to be in, and you shouldn’t blow them off simply because you don’t want these red flags to exist.

Trust me, time can help you avoid a lot of heartache in a new relationship if you commit to moving slowly and truly getting to know someone before you commit yourself to him or her.

And from personal experience, I can assure you that it takes much longer to really know someone when you are in a long-distance relationship. So double or triple the time in that case. You can hide all kinds of personality flaws over the telephone and by texting.

3. Watch Carefully How This Person Treats Others

You can tell a ton about a person by the way they treat other people, especially those in the service industry or a part of their family.

However this person treats a server, a barista, a customer service representative, or even his or her own mother, will determine how he or she will treat you someday when the newness stage has worn off.

I know I personally would never want to date someone who thinks anyone else is beneath them.

When I go on dates, I may look like I’m carefree and smiling, but I’m carefully watching every single interaction my date has with others. I also ask all kinds of leading questions to determine the type of relationship this person has with family and friends.

Dating can be really fun with a genuinely nice person, but none of us wants to waste time with someone who’s only pretending to be an amazing person but is secretly a huge jerk to everyone else.

There is no better indication of how someone will treat you later, than by how he or she treats people around you now.

4. Communicate Clearly and Effectively

You have a voice and you need to use it. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in just going along with things at the beginning of a relationship because you’re just so happy and excited to be with that other person.

But healthy relationships need good communication throughout especially in the beginning when you’re negotiating what your new relationship will look like.

Remember, you have opinions, so share them. You have wants and needs, so ask for them to be met.

I’m certainly not saying to act crazy and demand that your partner commit to marriage and three children on the first date. No one wants that kind of pressure so early in a relationship.

But if someone tells you that he or she only wants to have fun with no commitment, believe what he or she is telling you.

If you truly want the same thing, then great go for it. But don’t end up still pining over someone a year later when he or she only sees you as an option when nothing better is going on.

And on the flip side, if someone tells you that he or she wants to be in a committed relationship but only communicates and sees you when it’s convenient for him or her, walk away.

Some people will say exactly what you want to hear, but actions are communication too.

Healthy relationships are built on good communication. Work hard to establish that early on in a relationship. And always remember that your voice is just as important as anyone else’s.

5. Behave as if Your Partner is Watching

In other words, you should always behave in ways that respect your partner whether they are there to see it or not. And you should also expect that he or she should do the same for you.

This is my personal relationship mantra, and I believe it should be everyone else’s as well. It’s relevant to so many different areas of your relationship, and it can help you avoid a lot of grief if you follow it every single day.

For example, if you see an ex on social media and decide it’s no big deal to send them a quick private message, would you send this exact message with your partner reading it over your shoulder?

If your answer is heck no, you obviously shouldn’t be doing it.

If you see someone hot at the bar and decide to send a group text to your best friends about exactly what you’d want to do to that person if you were single, would you still send it knowing that one of them would later screenshot it and send it to your partner?

If your answer is heck no, you obviously shouldn’t be doing it.

And if you get mad at your partner and bad mouth him or her to family or friends, would you keep running your mouth knowing that your partner just walked in the door?

If your answer is heck no, you obviously shouldn’t be doing it.

It really is that simple.

We all continue to be attracted to other people even after we commit to a relationship, and we all get mad at our partners from time to time, but healthy relationships are built on safety and trust. And you can’t have safety and trust in your relationship when you or your partner act in certain ways in secret.

If you wouldn’t do something or say something right in front of your partner, then you shouldn’t be doing or saying it at all.

So there you have it. These 5 tips will not only help you build a healthy new relationship with the right person, but they’ll also help you realize when you’re in a relationship with someone who is definitely not the right person.

You deserve to be happy, and you should never settle for less. You have a lot to offer a romantic partner, and you’re too important to give yourself away to someone who doesn’t deserve you.

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What do you look for in a partner? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.